i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
