woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
