i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
