Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
