Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
