I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
