Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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