Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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