you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
