idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
