the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize