Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I am morally bankrupt
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
