What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
