Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
porn star boner night. come get it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
