FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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