dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
