I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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