I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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