He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
