im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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