Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
