The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
