How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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