What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
