Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
