nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
