I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
