These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
