dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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