Where is the hickey?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
