dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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