you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
