You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
