apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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