Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
