two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
