i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
