Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
