I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is her dick bigger than yours?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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