eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
