Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
