I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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