He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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