made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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