So drunk its hurt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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