I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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