she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
