i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
