We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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