somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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