hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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