id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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