i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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