$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
