Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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