But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
