I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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