This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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