is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
