I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
