im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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