Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize