Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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