i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
