if i died would you start the facebook group?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
