So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
