I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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