I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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