If i could tip my vagina, i would.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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