My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
