i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
