i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
