she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
