3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize