Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
