Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
