i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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