I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
