I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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