She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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