It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You ate ashes out of my bong
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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