I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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