Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
