this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
be right there i have to get my cape
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
