I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
