Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
