Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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