The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
