just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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