we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize