There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
