its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
