to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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