i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
