My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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