So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
