dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
