I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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