she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
