I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
