while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
