whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
