I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
