3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
